Healthy Marriages; How You Can Use 5 Principles To Get More Out Of Everyday Life

Have you noticed that challenges, differences and confrontations tend to build walls between spouses, and the first thing you know, out the window goes the marriage? It honestly doesn’t have to be this way. Healthy marriages can be created to get more of out of life than either spouse thought possible – even during the tough times. 

What if you were to think of relationships like this:

  • Confrontation is where some of our biggest breakthrough’s happen.
  • Differences are where we can learn the most from one another.
  • Challenges are there to help us learn to problem solve well.

When CEO’s are confronted with a tough situation, a difference of opinion or a confrontation, they problem solve their way through it. Marriage is the exact same way. We absolutely must find a resolve in order to sustain our businesses AND our marriage.

If you struggle problem solving in business, you’ll likely struggle problem solving in your relationships as well. It happened to me years ago so I get it. Life is about problem solving, and finding resolutions. Its about others, not yourself. This is the mindset I use for both my personal life and my professional life today. It not only creates huge wins for me, but it inspires others.

How would you like to learn 5 principles that can keep your relationships, AND your business, thriving?


A friend recently published his first book on Amazon. Its a great book and I was excited for him to have it up on Amazon, BUT … had he taken my course, Becoming A Self Published Author before publishing it, he would have had a wildly more successful launch.

First, I lovingly confronted him about it. Second, I challenged him to think differently, and third, suggested he take my course even though he had already published.

My friend could have made all kinds of excuses, he could have gotten offended and hated me for it. Instead, he took on an attitude of gratitude. He problem solved his way through it and is now re-launching his book correctly. He’ll be successful at it because of his great mindset. It also worked to my benefit because he left a high impact 5-star review for my course. That’s what I call a Trifecta Of Love!

What does this example have to do with having a healthy marriage? My friend used the 5 principles of marriage to make his book launch a win without even realizing it. I’m about to share with you how, but just know that’s the wonderful thing about these principles, they can work for any thing you do in life.

Principle #1 – Have Faith

My friend had faith in me and my video course. He developed faith in his own ability to re-launch his book. He could have said, “No thanks.” and we both would have moved on. This choice would have left he and his book at a great disadvantage.

Its just like in marriage, our level of faith is vital to our success. Getting enormously upset over a conflict, disagreement or a challenge, says a great deal about how little faith we actually do have. Anything is possible, including finding resolve for any issue. Some people call it focusing on what you want instead of what you don’t want. Some say its the Law Of Attraction. I simply call it faith.

Principle #2 – Taking Personal Responsibility

My friend sat down and watched every video. He absorbed the information and implemented what he learned. He chose to take responsibility for publishing too early, without making any excuses. His success is now being profoundly impacted because of making a choice to resolve the issue.

In marriage, when we take personal responsibility for messing up, for causing pain, for learning from our mistakes and making changes in our behavior, we don’t wait for our spouse to tell us how to fix our mess. We take responsibility in finding ways to succeed. This principle alone can bring HUGE success.

Principle #3 – Celebrating The Victories

My friend has included many like-minded people in the celebration of his re-launch. People coming around to support and champion him in this exciting adventure. Friends who love his book review it, remark about it and share his success on social media.

Support is vital because we’re not meant to do life alone. When we feel supported we can do just about anything!

In marriage, we have numerous things to celebrate but we are blind to them. Here are a few examples of things you can celebrate every single day;

  • getting through the day with a positive attitude
  • spending time emotionally connecting to your spouse or children on your day off
  • working together to create a loving environment

Choosing to celebrate even the smallest of victories, helps you put focus on the greater parts in your marriage. Victory breeds success.

Principle #4 – Unite

Writing articles and books is something I do very well. Its also something I didn’t do very well in the beginning. Aside from the lack of experience, I didn’t have the support of my husband back then. His silent disapproval of my becoming a self published author, weighed heavy on my heart.

The limiting belief I had was that if I didn’t have his approval, then we wouldn’t survive. My mind kept me in the “What if” state rather than the, “This is what I want to create” state.

That one limiting belief held me hostage for longer than I care to admit, that is, until I realized it was about his acceptance of me as a person, not as a writer.

Back in the day, my Naval Chief Petty Officer husband, had a military mindset which often left me feeling more like an enemy rather than his wife. It wasn’t anything he did on purpose, it was more his training and lifestyle.

I knew I had to write no matter how he felt about it. The question was, how could we find a way to unite on this important subject?

Little by little the walls fell. After lots of prayers, new beliefs sprang forth like the light of dawn. Thoughts began to flow like;

  • He loves me. He wants whats best for me.
  • I love him. I want whats best for him.

THIS is where we found unity. From there we began to have tough conversations, confrontations, disagreements and we kept having them until we finally narrowed down the fact that we wanted what was best for each other. We ended by uniting (agreeing) in the following ways;

  • My husband accepted my passion for writing and for helping others succeed
  • I accepted that he didn’t have to be fully on board to keep moving forward

Though it might sound like it was easy, I’d never lie to you. It was very difficult at times. Going back to principle number one, over and over again, got us through the tough times. :-)

Principle #5 – Gentleness

When you write books, then try to promote them, there is a certain gentleness that must accompany all of your actions. Being aware that selling is not selling. It is sharing the benefits of why someone wants to read your book. In my last book launch, I gave away 21 training videos to help marriages thrive. This allowed me to talk with people about how they can improve their marriages rather than sell my book. I used a gentle but powerful tool to help others grow.

Marriage is exactly like that. We’re often trying to sell one another on our own ideas. Instead of sharing the benefits of our idea, we’re trying to force our spouse to do it our way.

The next time you want to bring up an important topic where ‘change’ is necessary, try sharing your idea instead of selling your spouse on it. Being gentle goes a long way in finding joy.

Using these 5 principles you can get so much more out of life. Give them a chance, and who knows, you may end up writing your own book one day. :-) Let me know by commenting below, or by sharing this post, if you found these principles helpful.

Until Next Time, Always Love!

Screen Shot 2016-06-21 at 11.16.19 AMKellie