What to say to a young couple wanting to get married

The Question

“What do you consider when advising a new couple in their early twenties?” Thomas

This is a good question, though I’m not sure from what perspective Thomas was wanting a response from, parent perspective, friends, coach, marriage counselor, etc. It would have been helpful to know that first, but my audience is usually faith conscious entrepreneurs, often between the ages of 25 and 55, who are looking for a stronger connection to God, themselves and each other as a couple or family.

Watch this short video for my complete answer.

When younger couples come to me its usually for one of three reasons;

  1. They want premarital counseling
  2. They’re fearful of making the same mistakes their parents did
  3. They’re wanting to understand how to emotionally connect

Young couples today are wanting to understand how to emotionally connect because they’re struggling to know how to NOT end up in divorce like their parents. This can bring a non-committal phase into the relationship as well.

One of the best questions to ask

One of the best questions to ask any young couple is “How do you emotionally connect?”  If they don’t understand what you just asked them, then they most definitely need coaching. I will often ask my younger couples to take me through one of their most recent disputes and break it down into bite sized pieces. When we examine (and practice) what it would look like to have a more respectful and loving way to resolve their disputes, they are amazed. Its sometimes as if they’ve never heard of unity before that moment. For most – they actually haven’t.

When the couple’s examples were unhealthy relationships, caused by dysfunction (and who’s family doesn’t have SOME type of dysfunction in it?) then they’ll need more coaching help to create healthier habits to stay married for life.

I also teach couples ‘The 5 Secrets To Love Differently’

  1. Love God
  2. Take Personal Responsibility
  3. Celebrate The Victories
  4. Create Unity
  5. Remain Gentle

Each of these take a little time to share, and more time to practice. Resized

If you want to know more about these “secrets” yourself you can order the book; ‘Love Differently Stay Married’ from Barnes & Noble, your local book store or on Amazon. You can also take the CHALLENGE if you’re brave enough. :-)

This website is called “Love Differently” for the simple fact that learning how to love each other differently than what the world teaches us, is vital for all relationships. When we follow the examples of our world, and for most couples that is all they follow, then we’ll be remarried many times over while finding that acceptable.

Listen, I’m no one’s judge, but I know that my covenant of marriage is for a lifetime whether addictions, diseases, attitudes or any other issues crop up. We got in it together and promised we’ll go out of this world together. Is it easy? No. But the truth is, I’ve learned more from my husband than I have from any other person on this planet. He, and my children, are my daily lessons in love and the entire reason I began ‘Loving Differently’ to begin with. For that I am grateful. What I’ve learned now helps people all over the world and quite honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Let us know if you want assistance in your marriage to make it fully alive and connected!