How To Stop Wasting Time Working On Your Spouse

IMG_7068How much time do you spend working on your spouse? How many days are wasted on wishing your life away when day after day nothing changes? You feel stuck, having the same old arguments over the same old things, day in and day out.

Would you like to know how to stop wasting your time?

Here Is A More Important Question

How much time do you spend with Jesus? In the past 60 days, how many books have your read, videos have you watched, or how much have you invested in your own personal growth? Funny isn’t it? We want our spouses to change bad habits or poor behavior, yet we’ve not invested much time in finding out who Jesus is and how we can change through him!

Darkness will kill, steal and destroy your marriage if you let it. It will hold you back and paralyze you. Do not let fear, or lack of self worth or any unhealthy thought, keep you stuck. See your life beyond what your circumstances make you think is there right now.

You don’t know what awaits you. This is not “IT” for you. How do I know? Because I allowed fear to run my life for over 23 years.¬†If you want to create a great marriage, or a great life, you’ve got to make a conscious effort to develop YOU. Demonic spirits fill you with fear. It wasn’t until Jesus healed me from a traumatic brain injury turned my life around. Fear of my children not loving me, fear of my husband’s rage, fear of being abandoned. All of it disappeared one morning when God’s spirit showed up. There was nothing but love, peace, joy and sweet surrender in that room. There are no words to fully articulate what I experienced, but what I know is that nothing can separate us from the love of God, unless we choose that separation.

The Benefit You Get From Fear

What is the benefit of allowing the demonic force of fear to hold you back or giving up on your marriage? Could it be that in your mind, the fear you’ve allowed to paralyze you keeps you from taking personal responsibility for making any major changes? Thus, it prevents you from being judged or criticized. This would be a great benefit, right?

The truth is, you’re believing a lie. You’ll be judged or criticized no matter if you make changes or not. If your spouse isn’t the one complaining, you will be because things are staying exactly the same.

Whatever results you have in your marriage right now, it is the culmination of your choices. Yes, your choices – not your spouse’s.

The real question is

Is this what you want?

Do you want your life to be better than this? If you do, then don’t let anything stop you from achieving it.

There is more great work for you to do in your marriage and in your life. Guard your mind and heart against unhealthy programming. Renew your mind every single day! There are videos and podcasts, articles and books you can learn from, but the greatest source of all is being connected to the Holy Spirit. To learn about that will take time reading and studying the word.

God said to focus on things that are lovely, holy, pure and just. Keep those things in your mind.¬†Monitor what you say to yourself and to others. Build your life up in Christ, even if no one else does it for you. Encourage yourself by saying, “I can!” instead of I can’t.

Turn. Fear. Off.

We’ve all heard that FEAR is simply; False Evidence Appearing Real. There are TONS of “strategies” out there to stop fear from taking over your life, but I share the very BEST method around. Its called trusting in the one who created you. I talk about Him at my live events where I share the 5 principles of marriage. Jesus can turn any mess into MAJESTY. Its true, and my marriage is living proof of that majesty.

Screen Shot 2016-07-29 at 6.52.59 AMWhy Loving Yourself Is a Huge Part Of The Equation

When Jesus said to love God, and to love your neighbor as yourself, he didn’t say ignore yourself. We’re taught to ignore us in the Christian religion and that’s just plain hogwash. If you do that, you’ll have a catastrophe on your hands. Most preachers I know teach you to love God and others, but forget about yourself. You know what I’ve witnessed? Those are the one’s who struggle in relationships. Remove that thought. Love others AS you love yourself! That means you MUST love yourself in order to love others!

There are people who are dragging you down. Its difficult to love yourself when your closest friends are those who speak with a critical spirit, total sarcasm or cynicism, if they envy or gossip. If that ‘friend’ feels like you, or spouse right now, then learn from my 21 Week video challenge. And if you don’t do that, then think very carefully before making a move. You need to be around those who are healthy minded, but right at this moment, you may not know how to be.

Listen, I’ve been there. My environment had become so unhealthy I had to separate from my spouse until he was ready to learn a healthier way to think, speak and live. That isn’t to say I was a saint. I’m saying you become like the people you spend the most time with and its important to take that into consideration. In some cases a separation may be a good thing, as it was in ours, but its not what I’m recommending.

I AM, however, recommending that you write down the things you want to have in your life. Putting them in writing will keep them on the forefront of your mind AND help your spouse know that you mean business. Put a list of what you want in your marriage (or business or life) on your bathroom mirror. Your brain will automatically go after what you can see in front of you, as opposed to something you’ve not thought about in years, but at one point was in your mind.

Let Them Laugh

Change always brings resistance. If your spouse, children, neighbor, or even your dog laughs at you or makes fun of you, then laugh with them. Have fun with your growing experience but do not expect him/her to grow with you. If they like the changes they see, they will join you eventually. That’s what my 21 week Video Challenge is all about. Helping you go through step-by-step of conscious clearing and growing closer to God, yourself and your spouse.

In the mean time, do what you can for your spouse when you can and where ever you can. Pouring heaping coals of kindness draws them toward you, not away from you. :-)

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