How Millennials Of Divorced Parents Can Avoid Following In Their Parents’ Footsteps
Before I wrote my last book, Love Differently-Stay Married, I had personally spoken to hundreds of Millennials who came from divorced backgrounds. They wanted to know one thing; “How do I not follow in my parents footsteps?”
I wasn’t still doing research to find out the stats of those affected by divorce, nor was I inviting those who were affected by divorce to come speak with me after my book was written. It was simply the result of cause and effect. They saw someone who cared enough to write a book about their situation, and they wanted to know more.
Nearly Everyone Has Been Affected
Nearly everyone in the US has been directly or indirectly affected by divorce on some level. I’m not sure I know of anyone who hasn’t been indirectly affected, and this is exactly why “Love Differently-Stay Married” had to be written. People (Millennials specifically) need to know that someone cares. Faith conscious Millennials, in particular, know that they absolutely MUST change the trajectory of marriage if they truly want to make a difference. The trouble is, they don’t know where to start.
After a decade of practical coaching, researching and studying, this is what I see:
- When two unhealthy people marry they generationally continue their parents unhealthy excuses, and habits and end up divorced.
- When two unhealthy people who are consciously aware that making the choice to change their subconscious beliefs take work, and they’re willing to do whatever it takes to create a healthy environment, they become difference makers that not only stay together, but also change the world.
Why Some People May Never Change
Though that may be true, I speak of a healthy love that is rare, one that removes pride, bitterness, greed, gossip, addictions, criticisms and that takes personal responsibility for showing up BEING love, instead of demanding love. This takes work, and often financial resources, to create a healthy environment. That’s whats so great about the Love Differently Stay Married book. If you make the initial purchase, you get the 21 training videos absolutely free as my gift to you.
You might be asking if this environment would still be possible if only one person in the relationship were to choose a healthier lifestyle but the other refused? My answer will always be yes. It is still possible, but it takes twice as much conviction on the part of the one who is making healthier decisions to stick with it. My own life was a direct reflection of that. My husband believes he can only go so far with healthy choices before he will turn back around. I can’t fault him for doing what is more comfortable to all of us because its human nature. The choice I had to make was whether or not it was worth the risk to do what I needed to do to stay healthy without him, rather than go backward to what might leave us divorced someday.
My husband is a woodworker, and an overall handyman. He is amazingly talented and a complete perfectionist in his work. He also believes that in relationships, “good is good enough”. Interesting right? We both had unhealthy examples to learn from, and the truth is, he doesn’t care to work as hard as I do on relationships in general. So ‘good’ is actually as good as it’ll ever get to him. Does this mean I’m settling by staying with him? Not one bit. I chose to marry him. I made a covenant between God and myself to stay committed to him.
NOTE: I will never again allow pitiful excuses to keep us stuck in unhealthy sinful habits, nor allow beliefs about who we are as a couple derail us from staying together and finding joy. My husband loves this strength in me, but every strength can also become a weakness if used at an inappropriate time. No matter what we’ve been through, we are content, and most of the time quite happy to stay married for the rest of our lives.
Taking the risk to create a wonderful marriage can sometimes come at a cost. If you’ve always put your children first for instance, they may resent being put second if you’ve discovered these secrets later in life like I did. So learn them before you have children.
Millennials: do not buy into the philosophy that ‘good is good enough’ when it comes to being in healthy relationships. You don’t have to listen to me either, but I can assure you that as unhealthy as that philosophy is to live by, it is also what lands people in divorce court. When you feel your relationship is good enough, you stop growing. There is no more moving forward, there is the same things you’ve always done and repeating the same habits you’ve always had.
Be content, absolutely, but always strive for giving your very best to your significant other just like you did when you dated. If you will remember that loving differently than your examples did is ALWAYS worth the risk, you may soon see success in all areas. This is when you might also see that to whom much is given, much is required. This means you will STILL have ups and downs no matter what, but you’ll be able to get through them in a healthier way.
Faith Conscious Millennials Bring Hope
I believe that in the short time I’ve tried to figure out the on line world to serve a greater number of people, I’ve already seen drastic changes in the Millennials I serve. I’m so proud to connect them to God, themselves and others on a deeper level in order to change their world. I look at Jenica who went from a legalistic life to one of complete freedom and joy. To Tim who knows that being successful is only possible if he’s looking through the eyes of love, and not fear, while being a top leader in his field. And Gertrude who not only loves differently, but who also created schools in her village that transformed her entire country through educating the needy children who would otherwise not have food to eat.
We’ve been given the clearest example of what love could look like if we were willing to discover it. This love is derived from ancient scripture where Jesus became love for our sake. Therefore, if we identify with him, we CAN learn to love differently.
If you resonate with this, then I encourage you to get a copy of the “Love Differently-Stay Married” book, especially since it comes with 21 free training videos. The training videos show that it is indeed possible to change from unhealthy to healthy, no matter what age you are.
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Thank you, and ALWAYS LOVE.