If You’re Not Living Out These 5 Principles Of Marriage, Then Your Marriage Is Struggling

Who ever said marriage was easy, definitely wasn’t married for the long haul. Add being an entrepreneur to the mix and you can get all kinds of unique issues.

If you’re like most couples, when you’re struggling, anything can bring you close to the edge of ugly. This post was created to help you get past that edge, and stay focused on the five most important aspects of your marriage.

Having It All Together

There are people who look like they have it all together. They laugh at the same jokes, have perfect children and take grand vacations together.

Can I just be honest?

It isn’t real.

See, I use to sit in church and look around at people in our couples class. Over 200 people who appeared to be loving. A few sweet couples would stand out as reeeeeeally loving. They’d greet others at the door, lead our class, hold Bible studies in their homes. Each time we saw them they’d be laughing or smiling over something.

“Geez. I wish my marriage was that wonderful.” I’d hear myself, or others, say. Over time, however, these couples became my clients because their marriages were falling apart.

That’s when I decided to stop believing the lies that other marriages are more perfect than mine.

No matter how grand things appear to be on the outside. I can tell you that happiness in marriage is rare. Rare, because happiness is fleeting. External things; like money, trips, children, a home cooked meal, those things make us feel happy in the moment. But lets face it, what makes me happy certainly doesn’t always make my husband happy, and visa versa. So if happy is relative, then what are marriages suppose to be like?

Photo by: Greg RakozyDo you know what I think?

Marriage is…

  • Uncomfortable. We can often feel uncomfortable discussing a topic that we don’t want to talk about, or an in-law coming over that we’re not so keen on. Just like in business, we have to learn to be okay with being uncomfortable.
  • Challenging to our maturity. Raise your hand if you’ve never thrown a mini temper tantrum about getting your own way.
  • Integrous. If you’ve said you’re going to do something and you don’t do it, your spouse will be more than happy to remind you.
  • Joy filled. Marriage can be so full of moments that bring deep joy to the heart. This joy is sustainable when it comes from the individual heart no matter how the other person feels.
  • Healthy. Creating moments of healthy thoughts, feelings and actions require effort, education and time.
  • Committed. You took a vow. Keeping it is the highest form of integrity.

Is this all just a matter of perspective?

Lets find out by diving right into the 5 Principles Of A Healthy Marriage. You can see how keeping sustainable joy in your relationship, and at home, is possible, powerful and necessary! Without understanding all 5, you’ll struggle somewhere in your relationships.

PRINCIPLE 1 – Have Faith. 

Did you come from a divorced home, an abusive home, an addictive or work-a-holic home? If you’ve answered yes to any of these, then you likely heard the “D” word thrown around often. Maybe you even do it now. Divorce isn’t having faith. Having faith is believing things will work out, no matter how tough things seem in the moment.

I ask all my couples one question; “Do you love each other?” If the answer is yes, then through willingness, honesty and being fully open to learning new ways to love, things can work out.

PRINCIPLE 2 – Take Personal Responsibility. 

Not a lot of people know what being personally responsible actually looks like. They often think its doing chores around the house. That’s a good start, but not quite what we mean. Lets say you were always in trouble as a kid. You said you were sorry to avoid pain and confrontation.  When you do something unhealthy in your marriage, your spouse deserves an apology. The trouble is, you’re saying “Sorry” based on old programming. The kind that doesn’t really mean you’ve learned anything by this. Chances are, you’ll repeat the behavior. Learning from the disciplinary action means we take responsibility for not allowing it to happen again.

PRINCIPLE 3 – Celebrate The Victories. 

This is where your joy comes in. Being able to celebrate small and large victories keep your marriage exciting. While at the dinner table, my husband and I use to ask what 5 things we did that were successful during that day. This was a fun way to share in each other’s happy moments, AND you learn a lot about what the other person goes through on a regular basis. (For children, ask what was the best part of their day and the worst part.) This can be a very eye-opening exercise.

PRINCIPLE 4 – Be United. 

How many areas in life do you wish someone had your back? Someone who could champion and encourage you? That person is your spouse, who can be on the same page as you in most areas that are important to you. I say ‘most’ because not all areas are going to be in sync. Some common areas are finances, spiritual, social, sexual and disciplining children.

PRINCIPLE 5 – Be Gentle. 

No – gentleness isn’t for sissies. Gentleness is for those who want to stay married for life. When someone speaks to you in harsh tones, how does it make you feel? That’s right. Therefore – gentleness begins with tonality. We can be gentle in our actions as well. Opening the door for each other, waiting to have dinner together, using manners every day. Simple things, but important things.

These 5 Principles are not difficult to implement. I know because I live them every single day of my life. Its just a matter of practice and sticking with it. If you don’t think you’ll stick with it, then grab my training videos that go with Love Differently Stay Married for free. Its 21 videos to keep you on track for 21 weeks, and they’ve helped numerous couples thrive. Free counsel – Unheard of right? That’s just how much I want to see every couple on the planet love differently than those before them did. And succeed.

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Kellie